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iHeartGirls: The First Girl I Ever Loved & My First Cry

Well, here it goes. Since this is the first blog for iHeartGirls, I think it’s only appropriate to mention the first love I had growing up. Now, we’re talking the first time I met a girl and felt love – this goes back to grade school, the K-5 days.

Kindergarten – Lisa was her name (it’s probably still Lisa but she may have changed it). When I first saw her, something happened to me that made me unable to talk to women for a long time…..I think it was the first time I actually felt love for a girl. Throughout my entire grade school experience, I was never able to talk to this girl unless she said something to me, which I thought was pure accident when she did. Our first acknowledgement of “us” was in 2nd grade where we both asked the exact same question at the exact same time, “…But what about reading?” and then turning to look at each other. I know, magical, right? I was thinking to myself how to incorporate that experience into some kind of conversation with her later. It never did. The second encounter we had was in 3rd grade. I don’t know why but she came up to me at recess and talked to me outside the classroom. She asked questions about me. First question, she asked what my mom’s name was. I told her and turned out both of our mom’s had the same name. I smiled so hard that my face almost fell off. I must have looked so handsome getting excited over something that ridiculous. Then, she asked me if I could do the splits. The smile that once was went away immediately. Even if I could do the splits, I wouldn’t have admitted to it, especially to her. That’s like admitting to wanting to be princess for Halloween. I told her no and she couldn’t believe it. So, she did the splits in front of me. What do you say to a girl, who you may or may not be in love with, when she does that in front of you? “You’re probably good at kung fu, huh?” She stared at me and then got back up. Like a conversation, she was waiting on me to say something to her. I couldn’t think of anything but then the most clever thing I think I’ve ever thought of came to me: “Show me again.” – and she did. Then the bell rang, our first date was over. I thought to myself, this is going to be a good year for me. Well, that being said, the worst thing that could’ve ever happened to me….happened. Now, I’m in her radar and I go and do something so embarrassing that it can almost bring a tear in my eye just thinking about it. Except this time, it’d be a tear from laughing. It was at the end of class time and we had about 2 minutes left before the bell rang. Everyone was standing up and waiting – everyone hanging out and talking. Being such an observant kid, I knew exactly where the second-hand would be when the bell rang. I should probably mention that I had the worst stomach ache I’ve ever had in my life. With the clock ticking, I had exactly 45 seconds left to hold it in. The biggest gas build up I’ve ever experienced in my life (well, at that age anyways) – been holding it in the entire day too. I’m not talking to anyone, standing with my legs pinned to each other, trying to hold it all in. Well, about 25 seconds left til the bell rings and my body gave in. The loudest, most distinct bomb came out of me – everyone stopped talking and had a look of shock AND excitement on their faces. I was so embarrassed I didn’t know what to do. They were all looking at me and I couldn’t pretend it was someone else or even something else. At that moment, the love of my life was in there too and I could see her. She turned around and saw everyone staring in silence and my heart dropped. Then she says, “What happened?” Hope entered my body again. I almost begged everyone not to tell her but her friends huddled around her and told her. Bye bye hope. I spent the entire bus ride home almost crying. As soon as I got off the bus, I could feel tears coming out. I had to figure out a way to collect myself because I didn’t want my mom asking me what happened. There’s no answer for that, “Mom, I had gas and I farted and Lisa was there and the whole class heard and the bell rang and then and then and then.” I don’t think anyone ever in history but me has cried because they farted.

The End


In Conclusion: I reconnected with this girl in my late 20’s. I told her how I felt back then and she thought it was sweet. I retold this particular story to her and she didn’t remember it at all. She felt bad because after all these years I held on to something like this. She’s still as beautiful as ever but we never pursued anything.

Feel free to comment on this story or post one of your memorable stories like this one. Thanks for reading, I hope you never do that to a girl you’re in love with.



iHeartGirls – Domestic Violence Awareness

Like this story, I think a lot of men fall in love with women and show their sweet side to win their hearts. However, over time, I think a lot of things that they’ve learned as children from their fathers can still have a negative effect in their marriage. Recently, a woman wrote me and asked me what my thoughts were on abuse. She told me that her husband has never punched her in the face but he belittles her, calls her names, grabs her aggressively, yells at her – all while the children stand witness to it.

My thoughts: YES – this is domestic violence. Just because he never hit her with a closed fist, doesn’t mean it’s not domestic violence.  The best thing we can do as husbands and or fathers is to treat our spouse with love and respect at all times, especially in front of kids. Kids pick up on this behavior and learn from it. It has a tremendous impact on their lives and will continue to change other lives ongoing to whoever is a part of theirs’ to begin with and in the future. Domestic violence, as I’ve learned through NATN, is anything outside a loving touch within a family. Men, as the Bible teaches us: Love Your Wives, Always Be Kind. Let’s start doing that and teaching our sons to do so as well.

Thanks for Reading – Feel Free to Follow, Share and Suggest to Friends

For More Information on these issues, please visit: http://www.NATN-AZ.org (National Advocacy and Training Network)


To Connect with me on Facebook, visit the following:

(DV Page & Awareness)

(Comedy Fan Page)

(Personal Page)

E-mail:   bookrobertwagner@gmail.com

Website:  www.robertwagnercomedy.com



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